Dr Max's Christmas Secret about Santa Claus!

Santa Claus is a Woman!

Lilly Walters who runs the Speakers Bureau that represents me in America revealed this hitherto untold secret to me today. All the talk in America at the moment (apart from Bill and Monica) is that the jolly old man in the red suit "has to be" a female. I thought you might be interested in her explanation.

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I think Santa Claus is a woman! I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized,warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem to find only spanners, socket wrench sets, gadgets on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a sackful of Sidchrome tools under the tree.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems. He would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

• Men can't pack a bag. Men don't answer their mail.
• Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
• Men would feel their masculinity is threatened being seen with all those elves.
• Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
• The "Ho, Ho, Ho," thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
• Men would refuse to allow their physique to be describe even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
• Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment!

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men either. Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous - a definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test.

But not St. Nick. Not a chance!

:) :) Happy Christmas